"I worry that Facebook is killing meaningful communication." "Like"
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw
Those of a certain generation may remember the BT ad starring Bob Hoskins and the catchphrase, “it’s good to talk”.
Some scientists suggest that spoken language and sentences became a feature of humankind up to 200,000 years ago, derived from gestures and individual sounds. This short TedEd video explains some of Michael Corballis’ research on this topic. Sign-language may have been the pre-cursor as there are interesting case studies where groups of people who were born deaf worked together and created their own language. Humans are social beings, and so the ability to communicate is not only a survival tactic but also enables us to thrive too. Cooperation and collaboration stems from the ability to communicate. Through talking (be it verbally or otherwise), we start to understand.
People spend up to 40% of their speech output talking about themselves (it’s much higher on social media) because it feels good, but the maths doesn’t add up if there are a few people in a conversation! Harvard psychologists found that when people share information about themselves it triggers the reward areas in the brain – it feels good to do it and even if we don’t know anyone is listening, a reward spike occurs.
It’s also interesting to note that hand gestures accentuate the power of verbal communication. An analysis of TEDTalks found that the most popular speakers used, on average, 465 hand gestures which is double the amount used by least popular speakers (content may be rubbish but wave your hands and all will be ok!). Other research highlights that people who talk with their hands are also viewed as more warm, agreeable, and energetic! In LEGO® SERIOUS PLAY® workshops we regularly refer to ‘think with your hands’ as your hand is associated with large parts of your brain – hands are like a Google search engine, creating connections and helping you ‘reach’ ideas.
Pieter Rossouw’s research of the impact of counselling and talking therapies on the brain is also fascinating. There is strong links that this approach fosters new neural pathways in how we think, feel, and behave. The neuroscience continues to be explored but it is reasonable to suggest that confronting and talking through our issues can enhance our overall wellness.
We’ve shared previously about brain sync and this helps to create more meaning and support communication. Uri Hasson has a nice TedTalk on it. It’s also true that by not talking and seeking to understand, we make assumptions. What assumptions did you make the last time you walked past a person who is homeless?
Yet, we see on the news repeat calls for open dialogue surrounding the Ukraine conflict. We witness two Royal brothers who remain in the spotlight surrounding a rift, with communication between them supposedly minimal. Companies and politicians are seen battling with Unions and we read about ‘Quiet Quitting’ – people ending discretionary effort but not telling anyone else about it.
So, if we like to talk, we know that not talking can cause more issues, and it makes us feel better (even when talking through difficult experiences), why do we sometimes avoid it?
One thought is that if communication is intrinsically linked to survival, then the lack of communication (or less honest forms of communication) could conversely be linked to this too.
- A possum, making no sound or movement, pretending to be dead and avoid being eaten.
- A restaurant customer asked if their food is good replies with, “yes it’s fine”, when it’s not, to avoid conflict.
- An employee who, when asked to give their manager feedback says, “you are great and so supportive”, when the converse is true, for fear of repercussions.
Many of us can probably think of leaders in organisations that tell the world they are inclusive and care about the views of their team, but the way they act doesn’t quite stack up. Talk can be cheap. The annual engagement survey is often plagued by fear of being identified and so people prefer to play it safe. That’s why validating these sorts of things by talking, being curious, and listening is critical.
We believe that greater commitment comes from including, connecting, and engaging every voice. To do this, leaders must also be committed to hearing the truth.
So, what can you do to help draw out the real issues affecting your team?
- Encourage conversation. Initially you may need to force it until people feel safer to talk, but use simple tools that allow all to participate, such as 1-2-4-ALL (this works well online too). Look at your working environment – is the set-up conducive to doing this?
- Listen and let it flow. Be curious, ask questions and let people talk about them and their experiences. Leaders often fall into the trap of trying to move a conversation on as it does not feel relevant or letting the clock stop the conversation. Listen to what is not being said or done too. Peter Bregman said, “in silence, we can hear not only what is being said, but also what is not being said. In silence, it can be easier to reach the truth.”
- Respond and repeat. People interpret things differently and their views may not be aligned to others. The way you respond will determine how willing people are to continue the conversation and understand other perspectives. Value the contribution of others and take time to explain a decision, clarify a situation, or highlight reasons why something can’t be done. A message that is difficult to hear is better than being ignored. The more you do this, the safer people will feel and continue sharing their thoughts and feelings.
A common piece of feedback that comes out of the LEGO® SERIOUS PLAY® workshops we run is, ‘I found out much more about….’. These organisations have engaged teams, and leaders who care, but often in the busyness surrounding business time is not given to address underlying issues, get to know each other, or move forward an idea or initiative. The LEGO® system creates a medium for people to understand other perspectives and then generate discussion surrounding them.
Over time, creating the conditions for great dialogue and debate results in teams naturally moving to solution finding, healthy conflict, and empowerment. Stephen R Covey said, “compliance does not foster innovation, trust does”. And the road to trust is by talking, understanding, and respecting.
Considering the compelling reasons on why communication is important, and the impact it has on human beings, can we afford to not prioritise it?
It’s good to talk.
Visit www.prometheanplay.co.uk to find out more.
Photo images courtesy of unsplash.com. LEGO® SERIOUS PLAY® image our own.
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